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Bill Clinton Reveals His Diet Secrets

Bill Clinton, a.k.a. "Slick Willie," praises the benefits of wheatgrass juice as a willie enhancer

Super Bubba giving up Happy Meals? Say it ain’t so, Bubba, say it ain’t so!  But it is.  Former president Clinton has seen the light, and has sworn off his evil eating ways.  In the interview video below, although he looks as though he might be going through a bit of deep-fry withdrawal, he sounds convincing.  But then, he’s always had the ability to look you straight in the camera lens and tell you the story that fits the moment. Imagine the following dinner table scene:

Hillary: “Bill, I found an empty KFC box in the garbage can under the sink.  Were you eating fried chicken today?”

Bill: (offended, and a bit strident) “That is completely untrue.  I did not have oral relations with that chicken!”

It’s said of former president Bill Clinton that he can work a room like no other politician of the past 50 years.  Unfortunately for Super Bubba, his skills at working a dinner plate are of equal caliber.  But he’s traded his steak and bratwurst for legumes and beans, and replaced tater tots with tofu.

Frankly, I’m of the faith.  I’ve been following a similar diet for the past few years, and I’ve managed to keep off the 40 pounds I lost in the wake of my divorce.  Divorce, by the way, can be a marvelous dieting technique. When my wife and I first split up, I lost about 25 pounds in a week and a half.  Well, that’s the way it seemed.  And it wasn’t simply because she was no longer doing the cooking.  I had always been head chef in our house.  No, it was more a case of my appetite having walked out the door with my wife.

Once my appetite had returned, I realized that my weight loss had been the proverbial silver lining in an otherwise sooty cloud.  The question was, now that I had a fat man’s hunger again, how would I keep the weight off?  After a bit of experimentation, I settled on a diet that almost eliminated animal protein and starches, and relied heavily on fresh fruits and vegetables.  Aside from being nutritious, I discovered that fresh produce was also generally filling, so I never felt as though I were starving myself.  Ultimately, I was able to lose another 15 pounds.

As the years go by, everyone seems to laud Jimmy Carter for being our greatest ex-president.  Well, you can have him.  Let ol’ sober-sides go build his houses.  My vote goes to Super Bubba.

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